On Being A (Depressed Angry) Mother

Scene 1

Adek: Mama marah? (very softly)

Mama: ….

Adek: Mama marah? (still very softly)

Mama: …

Adek: Mama marah? (even more softly)

Mama: Sedikit. Mama sayang Adek. (hugging Adek so very tightly, kissing his head while stroking his hair)

Adek: Adek sayang Mama.


Scene 2

Kakak: Mama, kenapa sih tadi Mama marah Bapak beresin barang-barang Mama? Padahal kan Bapak beresin karena berantakan.

Mama: …

Kakak: Kenapa sih Mama, Mama marah?

Mama: Iya ya, harusnya Mama ngga marah ya?

Kakak: Iya, Bapak kan cuma mau beresin supaya ngga berantakan.

Mama: Iya, Mama harusnya ngga marah. Besok-besok kalau Mama marah-marah lagi, Kakak ingetin Mama ya?

Kakak: Iya.

Mama: Sini sayang, Mama peluk. Mama sayang Kakak. (hugging her so very tightly, kissing her cheeks repeatedly)

Kakak: Kakak sayang Mama.


I am one damn lucky mother to have these kids. I just wish those kids of mine will not regret having me as their always angry Mama.

Note: Difficulty in controlling anger, especially to people I love mostly, is one of depression symptoms I am still trying to deal with.


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